On femininity…

when i was younger, i ran from girly things. i hated pink, makeup was stupid. i didn’t care how my hair looked. i struggled with my feminine side for the longest because i was constantly getting told how bad i was at being a girl. i hated the idea of being in a man’s house for the sake of keeping him fed, and the children taken care of by myself. there were always comments about the sweatpants i wear, how my hair looked (even if i thought it looked okay), how rough i like to play, how skinny i was, etc. i felt i wasn’t woman enough to be loved.

in high school, i tried to start embracing girly things a little more. i just didn’t know how. i got my first sew-in for prom as a sophomore. i loved it, but i didn’t know what to do with it. how to take care of a leave out, how to straighten it enough to last but not damage my hair. i couldn’t do makeup to save my life until college and even now i look a mess if i move a little too fast.

once i started heels classes in college, i realized there were so many other ways to be a woman. i could wear my sweats and still control a room. i could be more tomboyish and still have a sexy flair. i realized i could enjoy getting down and dirty with sports and activities but still love pink. i started putting on a full face for track meets. i was regularly getting my nails done when i had my full time job. i realized that things i thought were overly feminine were more about taking care of myself, and it has made all the difference in my self confidence and how i see myself.

so you’ll always catch me in my sweatpants, and i’ll still wrestle you to the ground if i get the chance to. i just might do it in a 30 inch, buss down, middle part and a coffin nail. and if you look at me different because of that, it don’t make me no difference. i know i’m cute.